I used to love texting and the immediacy of a response from the textee (well, mostly.) I appreciated not getting caught in a quick informational phone conversation that began to have the earmarks of needing to be socially appropriate. You know, “How are you today? Is your leg still bothering you? OMG, the weather!”
Sometimes, I simply want to share information with the textee, to offer a fast update such as: “I really don’t want to be late (but probably will be),” or to communicate I’m thinking about them (without a plunge into life’s minutiae.)
Is this selfish on my part?
Can I choose not to answer that question?
No. I’ve always pledged to be straight up and vulnerable in my writing. Not answering that question would be a great leap toward covering up my challenged humanity.
Oh well. Regarding the inquiry about my possible selfishness when it comes to, generally, preferring texting to phone calls these days. Here’s my reframe. Self-care.
Huh?
It’s not that I don’t care about other people. I do, big time. And that caring is often the sticking place, for me, in ordinary person-to person conversations. My very-well-brought-up training of always inquiring about someone’s well-being. Ingrained in me. Thanks, Mom. You trained me well, but often leading to, yes, feeling worn down via my caring presence in phone conversations. Not to blame the entirety of this behavior on my mother. I’ve always struggled with boundaries when it comes to being overly-emotionally present to others. Sometimes, I just want info, or to convey it, but my many years of ingrained and caring presence to others, well, just kicks right in!
And here it is folks! My frank (and startling) admission to all of you. This North Carolina zebra (do we even have zebras in NC?) will not be shedding her stripes anytime soon. Setting better boundaries in phone conversations will likely be rolled into my karma. Hey, karma, will deal with this next time ‘round. So there!
And now, one more texting sidebar, if you will. It actually concerns someone named, Roger, who I’ve never met and does NOT have the same cell number I do. Partisans across the political spectrum, hoping for a financial touchdown, are texting me (likely, all of us) to help them carry the ball toward their monetary goals. Except the “me” they think they’re texting for a donation, is often identified as Roger and at the cell number I’ve had, solo, for 22 years!
As much I extoll the value of texting, I’ve had it! My texting vocabulary during political cycles is largely confined to STOP!! “Roger, are you out there? Roger?”
Yes, you are right, Jan. I came from a generation that had way too many details in their answer when you asked “How are you doing?” 🫢
Very little to no boundaries and zilch filters! 🤦🏻♀️ I’m even getting to the point of turning the volume off on my phone for lengths of time during the day.
There are two people in my nuclear family that I only answer the phone or call back when I’ve totally cleared my calendar.
It was my daughter that had to teach me about boundaries. She also turned me on to Nedra Tawab’s books and I also follow her on Substack.
As for texting, I do it on my iPad. I’m a one finger texter on my phone.
Yes, I am all about self-care today.
I only talk to a handful of people on the phone. Everyone knows to contact me via text. Texting works so much better for me. I can handle when it is convenient for me. And, the person I am texting can handle at their convenience. I really don’t need to hear most people’s voices. Probably very selfish of me. idk