I don’t know about you, but there are some skill sets I’d like to completely slough off. At the moment, I’m asking myself if “victimhood“ is truly a skill set. (“Oh no, look what’s happening to me! Pay attention to me! I’m hurting.”) After due consideration, my answer is yes. I’ve periodically been an artiste practicing victimhood - consciously and unconsciously.
First, let’s be clear, I am in no way making fun of people impacted by victimhood. We are all, to some extent, victims living in a world of many hurts. However, when younger, I made liberal use of victim status as a tool to draw attention to myself when feeling empty inside or sorry for myself. I know how easy it is to succumb to the temptation of misusing victimhood. (Attention, attention! I’m here!)
Utilizing the victim magnet as a way to re-focus attention on myself obscures my own light. I’m rather fond of my singular light, having spent a lifetime finding, growing, and embracing it. Whether you’ve spent a lifetime, half a lifetime, or just enough time, consciously growing your unique light, it can be a gift to others and yourself. As I continually learn (and relearn and relearn), no matter what darkness befalls me, my unique light still shines, sometimes flickering, sometimes bright, but still lit. It’s easy for me to forget; so easy. And, of course, playing my lamented victim card, I can usually garner attention from others rather than nurturing my own light.
Even the victim tool has its limits. Available humans are not always present to commiserate with (poor) me. Oh, but wait, there is someone available.
Me.
Huh?
I said “Me.”
To succor and comfort yourself?
You betcha!
Oh. That doesn’t sound very satisfying. I want someone else to be present for me. To help assuage my sorrows.
Wait, wait, did you know offering presence to yourself is like winning the lottery?
You didn’t know that?
I’ll share with you the tale of a recent afternoon drive, all the while dueling with a siege of victimhood.
No need to be specific, just that I felt beset by all the tasks I was doing unwillingly, very, very unwillingly. (You know; in the ouch territory.) I was fast morphing into victim. Slip-sliding downhill toward my infamous victim swamp. Suddenly, I realized there was a force available (whoopee!) to support me in warding off my victim mentality…
Me!
I decided to focus on the hills I was driving over. Sadly, I’m usually totally oblivious. I could hear a joyful “Whee!”, in my mind, going down one hill and up the next. I began to have fun. More “Whee’s!” Then I saw it! The car in front of me had a “Michigan. Go Blue!” sticker on its bumper! My alma mater. A bit like finding a needle in the haystack of ALL the Carolina and Duke fans among whom I live. Now, I was excited. Wondered if I could catch the car, roll down my window, and shout “Go Blue!” Sigh, did not happen, but the incident was enough to re-focus my attention toward a return to balance in my life. By the way, I, gently, showed victimhood to the door.
Go Blue!
Go Blue, wow that is an all purpose greeting in this area!