Practice makes perfect…
What say you to galvanizing “feeling alive” in others? For it? Against it? Must I even ask? OK, I’ll be honest, it’s a leading question. And that’s why I need to out myself first. Here comes. You ready? I collect studies on prosocial behavior. OMG, no!😉 Excuse me, pro-what???
Prosocial - “social behavior that "benefit[s] other people or society as a whole.”
Ta-dah! Let’s call this for what it is; I like making people feel good. No, no, not codependency - that’s just so old-school. Throwing minute amounts of positive energy out into the universe, trusting some good will come of it.
Examples? Can do.
There’s a very sweet young woman with whom I speak about banking issues, probably, every several months. For me, it’s never solely task-focused (which would probably drive some people nuts) but I usually ask a bit about her life (the new hubby, a return to the position she now holds, making sure I don’t elongate the conversation by much.) Today, after our brief convo, she closed our talk with “You are always such a breath of fresh air in my day”, referring to moi. I was really touched. Considering the relative little I’d offered her, I was taken aback and pleasantly surprised.
THEN, I remembered a very recent study relative to outing myself, above, as a prosocial behavior junkie. (No, no, please don’t run away! It’s NOT boring. It will taste good once it goes down…promise.)
“Givers consistently undervalued their small kindnesses to recipients. Not knowing one's positive impact can-stand-in-the-way of people engaging in very small acts of kindness in daily life."
That’s definitely a showstopper.
If I routinely misjudge the impact of a small, kind, gesture on my part, why bother at all? And my miscalculation that I have zero impact could hold me back from being your friendly neighborhood mensch (or adding light to my banking friend’s day, or…)
We may never truly know the full impact of small kindnesses, except that research shows they DO have a significant effect. Saying “hi” to a stranger; holding the door open for someone who might be older than me (is that possible?); waving to a neighborhood kid, etc. Oh wait, did I mention there’s actually a term for how givers of kindness feel after their acts - Helper’s High. (Gives a whole new meaning to getting high, doesn’t it?)
Clearly, the above behaviors are difficult to perform. Strenuous. Demanding. Emotionally trying. NOT (usually.) Small gestures can make a world of difference by providing unexpected ballast in someone’s life and letting a person know they-are-seen and not invisible.
So here’s the deal. I’ll collect the research and we ALL go out and practice it!
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