Nothing like a little truth-telling is there? Lend me your ears….
I was born as an only child to much older parents. Parents who had been “trying” for years to have a bundle of joy. Apparently I (finally) received the message and made my appearance on planet earth. Not too many years thereafter, my father died and I became the sun in my mother’s life. Jan-central. A perk of being the sun in someone’s life is the belief that all the planets (also known as people) revolve around you. I mean, I was the sun, what else were those planets going to do, but revolve around me?
Yes, yes, I was spoiled. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. My self-centeredness was an ironic outcome of being the apple of my mother’s eye. Who would have thought? A late-in-life parent, with an only child, a child who was also fatherless very early on. I was cocooned in deep caring and over-protection, in part, to avoid further loss for my mother. No ill intent on my mom’s part, none at all. Just a love that didn’t afford much breathing space for my personal individuation.
And my expectations as the bright, shining sun, around whom everyone else revolved? Oy! Others’ attention, like the planets, would be directed toward me, all toward me! Hearing or asking about the lives of others just never occurred to me. I was the sun, after all, and people turned their faces and attention toward me. I mean, get real!
Unspooling an ‘ouch’ story. But trust me, redemption lurks…
Hallelujah! Somewhere in my younger life’s evolving journey, it began to dawn on me that I wasn’t really the sun, but actually a fellow planet swirling around that shining orb. (I believe that’s called growing up.) Revolving in tandem with a multitude of other heavenly bodies (AKA people), all of us held in thrall by our solar system. Amazing to listen, understand, be puzzled by the histories and stories of all these other heavenly orbs. Listening in a way that allowed me to hear their unique planetary songs, not just my own. I was finally learning to share space (pun intended.)
We all matter!
Is there a moral to this transformation story? I’m thinking, I’m thinking….Ah, here we go. Belonging. That’s it. I’m not the sun (fairly obvious, I think), not that centralized orb around which everyone’s attention revolves. I am, however, part of the whole; that non-stop, interlocking, chain of humanity to which we all belong. Go, planetary gang, go!
First time I’ve heard you mention your dad. Sorry you lost him so early.