Play-acting…. and two revelations

I’m not a fan of play-acting.

What are you talking about?

Behaving in a way that is contrived. You know, contrived! “Deliberately created rather than arising spontaneously.” That kind of contrived. I’ve placed a premium most of my life on finding and sharing my inner voice. Not my culture’s, my parents’, or significant others. And what a journey that has been!  (A journey you’ve traveled, too, right?) Finding my authenticity. Oy! All these external voices certainly have an impact, but it’s solely my responsibility to separate the wheat (my voice) from the chaff (others.)  Oh, geez, the sweat that entails! You know what I mean?

Returning to contrived. My conundrum (and you’re going to say, “huh?) is a behavior that, at the moment it’s expressed, feels like play-acting. Saying “thank you” when it doesn’t seem warranted.

Thank you?! Play acting saying thank you?! Whoa. I’d think you’d be reveling in your capacity to offer thanks to others. That’s a “whoopee” action, a “you go, girl” behavior, not an act to be judged. You know that, don’t you?

Wait, wait, you haven’t heard the whole story yet. Bear with me, or even more explicitly, bare with me as I try to strip this conundrum down to the essentials. Lately, I’ve watched myself saying “thank you” in certain situations where there was no need for that term. Oh, you want an example? How about the (very strong) young man, paid by the property owner, to clear the field behind my duplex of humongous old tree trunks? (I mean humongous!) I stuck my head out the back door to briefly chat with him and heard my inner should saying “thank him.” I did, but it felt contrived, not spontaneous. Play-acting? He was doing what he was being paid to do. So what’s the problem?

I can almost see all the quizzical smiles or puzzled head-shaking among those of you reading this. She’s judging herself for a “thank you”?? Get a life! I am getting a life, but I want it to be authentic. I want the words rolling out of my mouth to be spoken spontaneously, a natural outcome of who I genuinely am.

Oh wait, oh wait, I just got it! Thank you all for being my kind, listening, therapists as I write myself out of this conundrum.😉 Whew, what a relief. Here goes.

Growing up, I was oppositional as all get out to anything my mother wanted me to do, such as write thank you notes, or say thank you to this or that. I didn’t want to be “made” to do anything. I wanted my actions to flow freely from my own decision-making. This can occur when one grows up with a very forceful parent. Needing to individuate as my own human being, a standard response to my mother’s requests was “NO!”

Sadly, for many (oppositional) years, the entitlement to my own actions delayed my growth as a kind human being. So, yes, saying “thank you” and a slew of other kind behaviors were learned and didn’t come spontaneously to me in the beginning. ‘Twas the play-acting finally becoming assimilated in my being that made me more whole. Or as the old saying goes “Fake until you make it.” And I did. And it worked. Ergo, my first identified revelation in this piece.

Soooo, after this really long explanation, where the heck am I with my initially expressed conundrum - verbalizing words to others that don’t emerge from me spontaneously? I get it, now. I share non-spontaneous phrases like “thank you” with others when my mind is teaching me something. But I ALREADY know and cherish offering thanks, so why do I need to rely on a “should” prompt for the expression of thanks to the young man?

Ah, my second revelation. Thank you’s build bridges between people. When I thanked the young man in my yard, his face just lit up. How do we build bridges to, and engage with, more and different people in the world? Such a sore need for human beings of all sorts to connect. We don’t have to truly know someone to offer them the light of small affirmations, do we? Being seen and acknowledged by one person reverberates in so many of our ensuing interactions with others. Our bolstered light is communicated from person, to person, to person, like the endless rippling of a pebble tossed into a pond. So, yes, our shared light travels beyond our capacity to even see its outcomes.

I’m a natural light generator. And so are you. Let’s do it!

Share with others to so they might be filled with heart and humor, too.