Picking up the vibes?

Just cogitating….

Where did my raucous laugh come from? My inclination to butt into social interactions, juicing them up to a higher level of shared laughter? Gabbing away and joking with the attendants at the recycling center; stopping an older woman (older than me, anyhow) who appears lost in our neighborhood.

Who-is-this-voluble-person? Omg, it’s me! I’m the one gabbing, joking, inquiring, intervening, waving to everyone. It’s me. How did this happen? How?

I, Jan, am an INTROVERT. My numerous Myers-Briggs personality tests over the years would never, let me repeat, never have predicted this. We’ve all had labels applied to us at one time or another. Mine was introvert. Supposedly infallible personality tests shouted from the rooftops, “Jan is a reserved, internally focused person, who revels in solitude.” Just in case you haven’t gotten it, I was routinely labeled as, guess what… an introvert.

Ok, ok, you probably have gotten it by now. How the hell did this apparent transformation occur? It sure as heck wasn’t conscious, at least, I don’t think so.

But, how…. Ah, that’s what happened. Blame it on my late mother. It’s her fault. I used to wince, when shopping with her, as she magically pulled other customers’ life stories out of them, while we waited in the checkout line. Get me out of there. She’d talk to anybody! Asking about their lives….sheer embarrassment on my part. “No, no, I don’t know her!”

My mother, on whom I’m pinning this egregious blame, died many years ago. At her memorial service, and later, as I readied her house for the market, people popped up out of nowhere, people I’d never heard of, sharing their essential memories of my mother. And, damn, the one commonality I heard shared, over and over, was that people felt seen and heard by my mother. She didn’t talk about herself, but took a few short moments to inquire about the lives of others, leaving them feeling gifted and seen by her attention.

Whoa, and I do mean, whoa! I couldn’t see my mother’s gift of acknowledging others from a kid’s point of view. I just wanted her to be quiet and not embarrass me. Oy!

I don’t know how I feel about heaven, or an afterlife. However, for many years now, I’ve been spreading the seeds of my mother’s gift, micro-moments of loving attention, to all and sundry. Wherever you are, mom, I hope you’re picking up my vibes.