Oh, those weighty idols…
“Fat is your friend.” OK. Right. Sure. You realize I was brought up in the Western culture, don’t you? Programmed as a female to think “Fat is NOT my friend?” Programmed up the wazoo to appearance standards that can be suffocating and not in alignment with my own body or values?
You realize all this, right?
“Fat is your friend.” Leaving a MD appointment wherein my doc shared this little nugget, applying it to people of a certain age. (That would be me.) On one hand, I felt oh-so relieved, but also startled and a bit topsy-turvy. You mean, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I can now do a behavioral 180 degree and:
*Eat as many chocolate almonds as I want?
*Whenever I want?
*No!!
*Yes!!
*See what I mean about topsy-turvy?
But even the MD permission-giving didn’t put much of a dent in my years of being culturally brainwashed, “OMG, I gained 3 pounds!” Still feeling quite dizzy with this apparent new reality.
It’s not just our culture’s misbegotten focus on APPEARANCE; it’s a deity at whose feet we often unwillingly worship. (Men, too, with height issues, etc.) Mea culpa, but I’m surprised we don’t have a “Weighty” religion, bowing to idols whose body shapes in no way reflect our own. Oh, “weight,” we do - current fashion.
Ooowhee, no anger or frustration here. Nope (and I’ve got some splendid acreage for sale in the Okefenokee Swamp!)
Deep breath......
OK, going to unload some resentment. Care to join me? False idols are an ongoing energy drain and life is complicated enough. However, like many women and men, I’ve been caught in the sticky web of our culture’s appearance sickness. I experienced this modeling in my family of origin, as I’m sure my mother did in her family of origin. Not only did I FULLY buy into weight injunctions for myself, but also in my judgments of others. (Can I run and hide after sharing this?)
How many people have I NOT truly seen because their appearance and, therefore, their essence, was blocked by my built-in cultural weight filters? (I find myself skittering away from this painful reality, like avoiding the touch of a sore tooth with my tongue.) These weighty injunctions are in the air we breathe. All of us.
How to move forward, kindly? And kindly is inclusive not only of my culturally-wounded self regarding weight issues, but of the people I can’t see clearly because my own cultural wounds get in the way. Whoa! Not asking much, am I??
Is it over-simplification to offer a one-word response regarding moving forward? (You be the judge.) Humanizing. Yep, that’s it - humanizing. Humanizing the other person. (You might want to offer a few more details, Jan.) Details? Well, OK.
Hmmm…I can usually feel when the cultural weight filters descend over my eyes. For the most part, I’ve no idea what it’s like to be in the shoes of another person with their particular life story, their parents, their fill-in-the-blank. But I do know they’re human, as am I. And I DO KNOW just how complicated it is to be human. Hard. Complex. Exciting. Baffling. Can I perceive the other as a story continuing to unfold? Their essence, ability to feel, wisdom, pain? In spite of my cultural programming, the quality of essence rises to the top in terms of how I wish to see others when those weight filters descend. And I truly hope my essence becomes primary for those who choose to see me. So there, you appearance false idols, begone!
❤️ I’d be very grateful if you’d consider sharing “This Being Human Thing”with others. Who couldn’t use more heart and humor?