I long ago graduated (yay for aging and therapy) from the school of needing overt permission, from anyone, to participate in an activity. Such a relief.
Uh oh, spoke too soon.I forgot about TV. TV? Viewing TV. I experience guilt watching TV. Just settling in, relaxing, feet up on an ottoman, getting ready to stare at the TV, and suddenly feel as if I’m looking over my shoulder for what I should be doing instead. Wandering through my head, repeatedly, is a voice intoning: “You Are Wasting Time. You are wasting time watching TV. YOU should be doing something worthwhile, something of value or importance.”
Oh my. Something of Value or Importance. No personal indictments here, eh? (Nope, none whatsoever.)
Now here’s the puzzler. If watching TV with friends, I’m (mostly) without self-judgment. My friends are happily viewing whatever we’re watching, so I’ve been given permission to do the same. However, it appears I DO require a blessing from others to participate in a culturally approved past-time, TV watching. (Still human, replete with my vulnerabilities, after all this time.)
I thought I was past all this business of needing approval for certain activities. Now, diving into the puzzling rabbit hole of TV’s guilt inducing power over me.
We’re off!
Beginning with the earlier-mentioned, persistent and judgmental, words wandering through my head when watching TV. “I should do something of value” rather than being glued to the TV.
Something of value? Howza ‘bout: Benefiting the world; supporting the emotional and spiritual growth of others; modeling vulnerability. And the beat just goes on and on…
Hey, great intentions;
Wonderful;
Way to go, girl.
Stellar values, probably, shared by most people I know. But they can watch TV with, I’m guessing, impunity. I can’t!!
Yes, indeedy, there was a time in my life when I watched TV with rapt enjoyment. Looked forward to the weekly series’ to which I was wed. And prior to that, there was a very brief period when I used TV as a drug. A cheap and ubiquitous drug when I felt empty inside. Nothing like being real, is there?
One of the things I love about writing is unwinding a personal puzzle and, of course, with a requisite amount of humor. ‘Tis happening as we speak (I hope.) The prism through which I now perceive life is mighty different than it was a couple of decades ago. Certainly looking forward to continued growth as a human being, but realize it’s unlikely I’ll have several more decades in front of me. (The fountain of youth hasn’t revealed itself, yet, has it?)
And, hey, like so many of us who live in our results-driven culture, I want to know I’ve sufficiently benefited the world during my earthly residence (and how do you tally that?) I’m forgetting, however, a little thing; such a tiny thing - nurturing the nurturer.
You mean me?! Really? I count?
Like the sun rising in the sky. However, even the sun needs a respite, ergo, we have this phenomenon called night. (You’ve noticed, right?) Watching TV can be categorized, like night, under “respite”’ Untethered, for a brief time, from the harsh realities of the 24/7 news cycle, TV allows my mind to wander, perhaps, toward creativity (yes, shouts my internal writer!) And, of course, these leisure moments of TV-watching arrive with the niggling codicil that TV, like any drug, requires dose management. Puhlease…
No more belaboring the point. Boob tube, here I come for a dose of self-care! “All Creatures Great And Small” on PBS. And maybe some reruns of “Friends?”
Don’t push it, Jan!
“Something of value? Howza ‘bout: Benefiting Jan; supporting the emotional and spiritual growth of Jan” You’ve earned it. You put in your time. It’s time we all put ourselves first for a change. We've earned it.