Jumping on the dark side…

Don’t we all indulge in tempting activities, knowing they might still leave bruises on our soul, heart, or whatever’s deepest within us?

“We the People" seem to have forgotten how to treat one another like, well, people.” Oh, you’ve noticed? Jumped right into the fray? Done a stellar job of trolling someone with whom you disagree on social media? Genially participated in statements that generally begin with “You” (as in serious finger pointing) followed by blaming, accusations, listing of mistakes made by the other, and some less-than-friendly insults?

ALL of the above feel incredibly self-empowering in the moment. I should know - been there, done that, felt really, truly empowered, exultant in fact. I GOT YOU!! And, to boot, swinging that cudgel of words (spoken or written) can just feel so satisfying, so cutting-down-to-size, so powerful, and so full of “yays!”

I’m flexing my contempt muscles…. Whoa, I didn’t realize I even had contempt muscles! (Is this good or bad??). And if I choose to strengthen my apparent contempt muscles even more, I can just click on the nearest social media site’s comments section and get quite the workout for any residual contempt yearnings. (I’ll see you on the media mats! Watch out!)

Geez, I’m now out of breath after this recital! Bet you are, too.

So let’s be honest, each of us has a unique way of communicating. As a Quaker (no, no, I don’t wear bonnets or long dresses, but do admit to liking Quaker oats), I feel committed to building bridges of possible communication to others, if at all viable. How do I show a level of regard for someone else’s humanity when we look through vastly different prisms? Challenging, challenging, challenging. But, lo and behold, this is where the concept of writing an obituary comes in handy.

Whoa, whoa! Obituary? Where did obituary come from?! Are we still on the same page, let alone in the same universe??

We are, indeed.

An obituary helps point me in the direction of my most strongly-held values. It’s a reference point - a very decided reference point.

Human that I am - imperfect, sometimes struggling, sometimes rejoicing - it’s helpful to have tangible reminders. Tangible reminders? When I’m teetering on my behavioral tightrope, and my actions are heading for what I would characterize as my DARK SIDE, how might I describe those acts in an obituary? (So glad we have these common cultural references. Great shorthand.) For example, “Jan was very skilled at publicly shaming people.” Not.

And speaking of obituaries, here’s another uplifting source for taming my cultural temptation toward public shaming.  From the late John Hope Franklin, an esteemed African-American historian, who taught at Duke. Words from his obituary:  “John Hope Franklin looked at those who opposed him and saw fellow human beings.”

Me, too, I hope, me, too…