I’ve been thinking about this “being human” thing. Did your birthright “being human” designation come with a guidebook? Mine did. Much of what I read (or was told) while growing up, was “Should”, “Should“, “Should.” Some were mighty fine “shoulds” and others left me struggling for breath because they weren’t me and would never be me.
In all honesty, I react to “shoulds” as I would to a 4 letter word. Huffy and angry. The little kid who still flourishes in me shouts “I hate “shoulds!” Hate!” (OK, yes, I am a tad oppositional.) Hmmm, let me reframe. Hating is not among my values and not a quality I wish listed in my obituary: “Jan was known for hating with a passion.” NOT (ever.) Still, I can be quite reactive to the “should” word.
However, since I’m (mostly) an adult, I figure I’m entitled to write my own “being human“ guidebook. No parent is looking over my shoulder (not now, anyway.) Wait, wait, I lie, something IS looking over my shoulder - our culture - the originator of all those shoulds. Hey, some of these “shoulds” are vital and keep the peace in our lives. Other “shoulds”, however, don’t reflect our own personal uniqueness, but remain, like splinters, causing pain and deflecting us from our wholeness. How to move forward?
Become an off-roader! That’s what! (Uh, Jan, you’re losing me…) Good ol’ Wikipedia defines “Off-roading as the activity of driving on unsurfaced roads or tracks, such as sand, gravel, riverbeds, mud, snow, rocks, etc.” Off-roading, which follows the call of your own uniqueness, can be dirty, challenging, invigorating, painful, and creative. (Keep towels and self-compassion handy.) The door opens for the real YOU to emerge, and to continue emerging. (Feel yourself breathing more deeply here?)
Do you feel alive? Do you feel whole? Have you gotten better at listening to your heart and inner voice? With our respective off-roading capabilities, we follow paths that are twisty, sometimes dangerous, and often shrouded in fog. We’re reading the words, as best we can, in our own unique “being human” guidebooks. We are each the potter’s of our own lives and souls. No matter how dirty you get, remember, the dirt you sometimes feel you’re drowning in can also become the clay that shapes your own unique growth.
Please feel free to share your off-roading experiences on the way to wholeness.
This post reminds me of being in John Calvi's workshop on "Finding your goodness" many years ago. He asked us to write the five rules we live by. What, no way! It seemed impossible. But with some reflection, I came up with them. They are printed out and hang in my office still. Alice
I love this reminder Jan!!!