Indulging in…

Don’t we all indulge in really, really tempting activities, knowing they might still leave a bruise on our soul, heart, or whatever’s deepest within us? Oh, come on, let’s be human, fallible, and honest with each other. We’re rarely alone in our peccadilloes!

I’ll get this off my chest and be honest, fallible, human - all that stuff - with you. Temptation can be oh-so strong to publicly shame someone. “Subjecting someone to disgrace, humiliation, or disrepute, especially by public exposure.” Ouch. But, I tell you, swinging that cudgel of words (spoken or written) can just feel so satisfying, so cutting-down-to-size, so powerful, so full of “yays!”

I’ve indulged in public shaming of corporations that I’ve experienced as heartless wherein their only tangibly held value seems to be the bottom line. This, however, is not the type of public shaming to which I’m referring.

It is just SO tempting, so tantalizing, so satisfying (and so human) to think about shaming someone publicly who has upset, triggered, or hurt us. And talk about the public vindication (maybe/maybe not) of sharing this shaming with others. Haven’t we all been there at one time or another?

So where did all this sudden interest in public shaming come from? I had that experience recently. It was among a small group of folks CCed on an email. Now, granted, the writer had some valid points, but taking the shotgun approach did not build an avenue toward my ability to receive them. Far from it.

Each of us has a unique way of communicating. As a Quaker (no, no, I don’t wear bonnets or long dresses, but do admit to liking oatmeal 😉), I feel committed to building bridges, if at all possible, in communicating with others. How do I show some regard for the other’s humanity even when we look through vastly different prisms? (Yeah, it is hard, but I still aspire…)

What words open a path of trust to another person?

Do I know anything about the person’s life’s circumstances before I communicate/shame?

Who do my words most serve? Me? Or the other person?

Challenging, challenging, challenging. But this where the concept of an obituary comes in handy….

Whoa, whoa! Obituary? Where did obituary come from?! Um, are we still on the same page, let alone in the same universe??

We are, indeed.

An obituary helps remind me of what I truly value. It’s a reference point - a BIG reference point.

Human that I am - imperfect, sometimes struggling, sometimes rejoicing - it’s helpful to have a tangible reminder (what I’d like written in my obituary) when I’m just about to fall off my behavioral tight rope. When my behavior is heading for what I would characterize as my DARK SIDE. (So glad we have these common cultural references. Great shorthand.)

I try to consider if a behavior warrants mention in a possible future obituary. For example, “Jan was good at publicly shaming people.” Not.

And speaking of obituaries, here’s another wondrous source for taming my cultural temptation toward public shaming.  It’s the late John Hope Franklin, an esteemed African-American historian, who taught at Duke. From his obituary:  “John Hope Franklin looked at those who opposed him and saw fellow human beings.”

(Me, too, I hope.)

❤️Enjoy reading “This Being Human Thing?” Please consider sharing with others. Who couldn’t use more heart and humor?