Hanging on to that bridge

Photo by Wai Siew on Unsplash

True confession. I’ve had a life-long desire to serve as a bridge builder. Supporting each of us vulnerable humans in being acknowledged. Nifty, eh?

But then there’s my personal reality. Yours truly is very emotionally reactive. Sad to say, my inclinations tend toward burning down, or pulling up bridges, rather than  laying them across chasms of differences. Not so nifty, eh?

Bridge building is really hard, hard, hard. Blessed with such emotional reactivity at the mere drop of a pin, you can imagine how I react when triggered by conflict, differences of opinion, and opposing beliefs of others. It’s not pretty.

Where the heck did my inclination to torch bridges originate? Me!! My brain, that is. My little ol’ human brain, and to be honest, yours too. Prehistoric reactivity. Hate to break it to you, but your brain has similar prehistoric inclinations. We’re suffering through this together!

What?! Plain English, please.

At your service.

The eons-old, brain-based, instinct to survive (resident in all of us) quite frequently perceives even relatively small differences with others as  taking the form of scaly, huge, predators out to get us. How can poor me survive when those large scaly monsters are threatening? Fight, attack! Grrrrr….

Fueled, provoked, and ignited, when I feel threatened, even if only by words, not ferocious scaly dinosaurs. That little, still-resident, prehistoric part of my brain becomes activated and YOU better get the heck out of my way! I mean NOW!

Ms. Bridge-builder, by inclination, is human enough that my behavioral values can, poof, just like that, disappear into thin air when something or someone activates my judgment or anger. The mantra of “Predator, predator! Fight!” is suddenly all-too present. Way, way too present…

Incredibly embarrassing. You’d think all the years of adulting, therapy, and reading spiritually profound books would have put me right. I’ve accepted (mostly) that this human is who she is, still choosing commitment to human connection, even lacking my earned bridge-building merit badge. More Brownie than Girl Scout during this life?

So hard on myself! Nothing like a little diet Dr Pepper and some intensely flavorful dark chocolate to open my eyes. Conflict transformation ain’t my bag, but spreading showers of gratitude confetti is. Who knew?

Gratitude confetti? (A newly coined phrase.) Simple, simple, simple. Sharing “thanks” and “thank you’s,” for just about anything, with all you humans on my daily path. An easy-peasy passport to acknowledgment that you (and you, and you) are, indeed, seen. (I like being seen and acknowledged. Don’t you?)

Well, how ‘bout that? No actual failure on my part with the bridge building template due to my reactive personality. Nope, just stumbled onto a different path leading to the same place. Nice, very nice.