Give me a break, please….

“I had a very ugly cry.” No, no, no! (This quote was culled from an article describing a recent marital engagement. I don’t hold out much hope for that marriage. Do you?) Ugly cry? Puhlease. Whatever happened to the simple description of crying as, well, “crying?” I mean, isn’t crying hard enough without adding a pejorative descriptor - UGLY?

So, yes, curious-me made a digital beeline for the Miriam-Webster dictionary to discover more about that inviting term “ugly crying.“ Are you ready? (I wasn’t, at all!)

“Early uses refer specifically to the horrific sound of crying. You know the look: mouth open in a grimace, nose red, eyes puffy and nearly closed.” AND, Oprah Winfrey, of all people, is listed as an early popularizer of this uplifting descriptor, ugly crying. Oprah, Oprah……

I’m shaking my head in puzzlement. Will other normal human behaviors become fodder for pejorative descriptors? Blinking one’s eyes might become - hmmm - “you know, that uncontrolled tic thing you do with your eyes.” Oh, and of course, smiling could morph into “seductive lip twitching.” Oh, my.

Gimme a break! Whatever happened to just being human? Fully and unabashedly human? Allowing one’s face and one’s mannerisms to organically unfold in the course of, just say it, being authentic.

Truth. I don’t cry easily. And the now-common parlance of “ugly crying” feels as if I’m putting a normal part of my humanity in a prosecutorial spotlight! “Oh, no, she’s UGLY crying. Look at that! Wow, does her face look strange?! Jeez!” The aesthetics of appearing UGLY become so much more important than the actual acts or events that trigger crying. As my Yiddish forebears would say, shaking their heads in bewilderment, Oy vey!

The answer? Ah, I’ve just opened the door for each of us to walk through and find our own answers. My current stratagem, if I find myself judging another for how they appear when crying, is to say to myself,  “Human, human, human,” a reminder of the organic place for crying, in all our lives, no matter how we might appear to others. Begone aesthetics of crying! ‘Tis a challenge, but let’s aim for authentic! (Oooo, I like authentic!) Who the hell else are you going to be?

I hope my writing offers you heart-opening, humor-filled moments, and the realization none of us are alone on this human journey. I’d be grateful if you’d share, “This Being Human Thing” with others who might feel nurtured by it.