Give me a break, please….

“I had a very ugly cry.” No, no, no! (The quote is pulled from an article about having just gotten engaged. I don’t hold out much hope for that marriage 😉.) Ugly cry? Puhlease. Whatever happened to the simple description of crying as, well, “crying?” I mean, isn’t crying hard enough without adding a pejorative descriptor - UGLY?

So, yes, I’m curious, very curious, and made a digital beeline for the Miriam-Webster dictionary. Are YOU ready? (I wasn’t, wasn’t ready at all!)

“Early uses refer specifically to the horrific sound of the crying. You know the look: mouth open in a grimace, nose red, eyes puffy and nearly closed.” AND, Oprah Winfrey, of all people is listed as an early popularizer of this uplifting term, ugly crying. Oprah, Oprah……

I’m shaking my head in puzzlement. Will other normal human behaviors, breathing, for instance, become fodder for negative descriptors? Breathing heavily might be characterized as “snorting.” (I’d probably try to find a physical alternative to being out of breath, but would end up suffocating. Ouch.) Blinking one’s eyes might become - hmmm - “you know, that uncontrolled tic thing you do with your eyes.” Oh, and of course, smiling could morph into “seductive lip twitching.”

Gimme a break! Whatever happened to just being human? Fully and unabashedly human. Allowing your face, and your mannerisms, to organically unfold in the course of communication. Sorry folks, I’m now being forced into using the “A” word, Authentic - as an important measure for how we present ourselves. On the Authenticity scale of 1-10, is the face you’re sharing with the world a 7+? Oh, good for you! Standing up for your wholeness.

Truth. I don’t cry easily. AND the now-common parlance of “ugly crying” feels as if I’m putting a normal part of my humanity in a prosecutorial spotlight! “Oh, no, she’s UGLY crying. Look at that! Wow, does her face look strange?! Jeez!” The aesthetics of appearing UGLY become so much more important than the actual acts that trigger crying. As my Yiddish forebears would say, shaking their heads in bewilderment, Oy vey!

The answer? Ah, I’ve just opened the door for you to walk through and find your own answers. My current stratagem, if I find myself judging someone for how they appear when crying, is to say to myself “Human, human, human,” a reminder of the organic place in all our lives for crying, no matter how it appears. Begone aesthetics of crying! Let’s open our hearts to tears (not judgments.)

❤️Enjoy reading “This Being Human Thing?” Please consider sharing with others. Who couldn’t use more heart and humor?