Can we ditch that whip?
Those mouth-watering-ly delicious, dark chocolate-covered espresso beans? You know, the ones sitting right smack in front of me on the table. The ones whispering “Jan, Jan, Jan….”
Speaking sweet truth, I hear a plaintive halloo from the kitchen, as well. “Don’t forget about me!” A siren call from the zingy, chocolate-covered ginger that also, happily, toddled home with me from the store.
Stalked, just being stalked, by a chocolate-covered posse. (No desire to outrun ‘em, whatsoever.)
Chocolate! Chocolate! I do know better. I truly do. C’mon, diabetes runs in my family! But these chocolate whisperers, with their siren songs of chocolate happiness (instantaneous, for heaven’s sakes!) I’m in total thrall. Period.
And, then, the universe steps in. I accidentally swiped the dark chocolate-covered espresso beans off the table and onto the floor. Does the 5-second rule still hold? You know, the one in which food, dropped on the floor for only 5-seconds, is still safe to eat?
An instantaneous google of Houston’s well-known Methodist Hospital’s website lays waste to the old 5-second myth. Bacteria adhere in a flash! Omigosh, Houston, we have a problem! All those, shiny, chocolate covered espresso morsels, my quick ticket to getting happy (and high), now litter my living room floor. A floor that hasn’t had a tête-à-tête with my vacuum cleaner for a week, at least. Probably, more I think…..
And now, she emerges. The inner wielder of my cat-o'-nine-tails. Our individualized cat-o'-nine-tails, courtesy of a culture which often has a “take no prisoners” attitude toward human frailties. Chocolate hysteria, for instance. (You’re human, right? You understand…)
Let’s just lay down that cat-o'-nine-tails, shall we? It hurts. I have a much better idea.
Just remember, you’re on the ground floor of this new movement! “The Humane Society For Being Humane To Ourselves.” Is that not a “wow” and accepting idea? I do admit it’s a bit hokey. Don’t know about you, but I’m in need of constant reminders that being a humane person, amazingly, includes being humane to myself. What a concept!
The cat-o'-nine-tails has been closeted (at least for the time being.) The zingy chocolate-covered ginger in my kitchen, which has not made acquaintance with any bacteria-laden floors, is calling my name. Resistance is futile…