Being human and… the “V” word

Being human and…

the “V” word.

Umm…the “V” word?? Bet most of you are saying “Don’t know that one.” Sure you do. It’s a word that often makes us contract our shoulders, jaws, and blink our eyes in discomfort. So what the heck is it? Vulnerable. THAT word. Vulnerable. Uh, oh, you mean showing stuff like shame, fear, and uncertainty? Yep, these oh-so human qualities we want to keep hidden behind locked doors. And, damn, that door just wants to open sometimes, since the effort of keeping it locked can be absolutely exhausting.

Being perfect is hard. We’ve all tried (and tried, and tried, and tried.) What an incredible weight to carry. Just thinking about it makes my teeth clench. You think you’re the only one who has oh-so embarrassing moments in your past (ok, truth be told - even just 5 minutes ago?)  The continuing shame at how we might have done things differently, loneliness, deep sadness…. We’re all wounded by life. As far as I know, no one‘s exempt.

No. One.

But here we are, sometimes armored to the max against showing our vulnerability. Our human-ness. Are the vulnerable emotions we try to hide any different than the lighter ones of joy, contentment, pleasure? Of course they are, in part, because our culture says “yay“ to the light and “not-so-yay” to the vulnerable/dark.

I am often SO ready to have light shine on me. But, my frailties? I shrink deep within myself, wanting to keep them cloaked in darkness. Let’s acknowledge the power of our culture and how shaming it feels when we show the full range of our humanity: A to Z. I have to remind myself I’m not one dimensional, only A to B. I am, much as I often hate to admit it, a multi-dimensional human being who often learns the most fruitful lessons from her vulnerabilities and frailties. (Ouch, but true.)

So, yes, I’m going to pull out the V-word anthem from Leonard Cohen. (Did you know it was an anthem? For all of us imperfect humans?)

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in…

I probably need to memorize this refrain as an affirmation of my humanity when my vulnerabilities begin to emerge. (Remembering also to call in the self-compassion gods.) Care to join me?